I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
