so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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