Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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