I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
