would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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