i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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