i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
