Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
