She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
