i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she looked like the before picture.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize