Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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