This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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