Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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