Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
