he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
