Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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