my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
