I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this just has baby written all over it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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