she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
