Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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