its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
