I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
