I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize