I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
