Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
