my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Your dad touched me again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
