Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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