I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The air was thick with penises
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
