What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
