I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
40s are totally the cure
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
