You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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