her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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