I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
