Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
