She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
