I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize