marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
