Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
