last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
