I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
