The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We are two peas in an std pod
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
