Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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