My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
