He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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