Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
