1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
its liver damage thursday
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize