I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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