I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
