Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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