Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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