based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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