Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
