So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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