My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
