Cold hands, warm shart.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
