Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
