i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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