I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
