If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize