Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
