I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
