Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
