Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
