I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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