I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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