You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
