haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
