i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
