I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
