I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
