birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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