Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
