No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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