I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
