go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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