my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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