I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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