You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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