I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
