i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Two words: blizzard sex
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
