There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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