Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
