shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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