Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
