No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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