I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
