if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
